Grief and Misery vs. Grace and Mercy

As some of you may have noticed, it's been a while since I've posted anything to this blog. Many probably thought I had abandoned the blog. Well, not really. Something called "life" got in the way. My wife discovered she had cancer, and 7 years later she succumbed.

That's not the entire reason, though, why I paused. We had started going to a church that sounded great. They taught "expositionally" (verse-by-verse) through the Bible, with a topical flavor to it. People wanted to be there to learn, not just to perform. People were coming in from all around, sick and tired of the meaningless ritual and hungry for God's Word.

Two things happened, though. The first was with me. I got lazy. In my previous church, I knew I wasn't going to be blessed by the beautiful music or the responsive reading or the "sermonettes for Christian-ettes." I sensed God wanted me there to feel like I belonged, and to show some of them what life in Christ was really about. That's life, 24/7, not just on Sunday morning. (I don't want to mention why I felt ashamed to attend church board meetings.)

In this new place, I was being fed. I didn't have to do as much heavy-lifting. It was all truth straight from Scripture. Wasn't it?

Something changed, though. Encouragement for growing in Christ became a focus on "doing life right." That turned into "obeying the commands of the Lord." Now, don't think I'm trying to dismiss the Ten Commandments or anything. I won't even say that calling baptism a "command from the Lord" was incorrect. They missed a vital point, though: what about those who couldn't obey every single precise command they pronounced? Were they shown grace and mercy publicly?

Nope.

Instead, the vibe tended to be towards making them feel guilty for "disobeying the Lord."

It got worse. The senior pastor at one time, in one service (the one that didn't get recorded, of course), pronounced that married couples who didn't raise children -- either their own or adoptees -- were disobeying God's command! After service I asked him about this, and he sounded like he was desperately trying to back-pedal, with comments like "oh, it's a personal issue when you do this" and so forth. He never said he was mistaken, though.

I understand, or at least I've been told, that some people feel like they can "get away with disobeying," like little children hiding. I also know that I never depended on that, because it never worked for me. (I'd get blamed for stuff I didn't do anyhow, so what's the difference?) If adults really are that immature, then I suppose an emphasis on "accountability" and the like makes some sense.

God still loves us, though! Check out Romans 8:31-39. John 3:16-21. We still sin, yet Jesus took the death those sins cause and nailed them with His own body on the cross! Yes, sins still have earthly consequences. Yes, we should experience some grief and misery as the Holy Spirit convicts (but doesn't condemn) us. That shouldn't be the overriding emphasis from the pulpit, though! We all need grace and mercy, not guilt and misery!

Like I said above, if you feel no guilt and misery, the problem isn't the disobedience. The problem is your personal, one-on-one relationship with God. Encouragement to get that business settled is a good thing. I hope this little paragraph serves as that encouragement. But there's still hope.

Because of my upbringing, I beat myself up too much, according to my mother and my late wife, over little things. I don't believe for a moment that I'm going to get away with anything in the sight of God. I let myself get beat up over "willful disobedience," about not having children, about missing several other commands.

I had lost faith that God still accepted me.

I got lost in the grief and misery, never seeing the grace and mercy.

Good Grief!

Someone close to me recently lost a cousin to cancer. It was a multi-whammy for her, since she herself was just decreed "in remission" from a different type of cancer, but more so because she had been very close to this cousin for most of her life.

The thing that surprised me, though, is that she was afraid of admitting that she was grieving!

It seems that a particular church (for which I have little respect, based on what she had been taught there for too many years) shamed those who actually didn't "celebrate" when a child of God passed away. Grief, it seemed, was either a sin, or something not to be felt by a Christian.

I have no idea where they got that bit of theological illogic, but it certainly wasn't from a thorough reading of Scripture.

Consider †his: if Jesus did something, it's nothing that should bring shame.

So when did Jesus grieve?

The shortest verse in the Bible, in just about all English translations of which I am aware, is John 11:35. Even the usually-wordy Amplified Bible keeps it at 2 words. (If you're interested, Bible Gateway can show you how all of its English translations render this one verse.) "Jesus wept." Simple enough. But why did He weep? The full story is found in John 11:1-44. This is the story of Lazarus, brother to Mary and Martha, a family that was near and dear to Jesus' heart even though they weren't part of his traveling band. You probably know the story. Lazarus had died, Jesus chose to wait to go there, and when He did, He brought Lazarus back to life, making his name synonymous with restoration of life.

Jesus wept!

Why did Jesus do that? "Certainly" it couldn't have been because His friend was dead. After all, He seemed to know that He was going there to restore him to life. Perhaps it was due to the strong feelings of his sisters and other friends, including the one that came to bring Jesus to them.

Or maybe it's the obvious answer: Jesus grieved for his friend.

Sound wrong? Too bad. We're not to judge what the Bible says based on our own preconceived ideas. One of the reasons I started this blog was to challenge those preconceived ideas that don't really match what Scripture says. This is one of the big ones, though I pray it's not as common as I fear it is.

 Christians are called to joy, but that doesn't mean insane laughter or happiness or any of the other bits of garbage emotionally-driven churches try to push. There are times of sadness. There are times of grief. There are times of trial and emotional depression. There are even times of anxiety and distress. Jesus went through all of these. Why do we think we won't? Why do we think we shouldn't?

Grief is normal. Grief is even healthy. There should be no shame accepted or poured on those who grieve the loss of a Christian. Even though we know we will see them again, the forced separation that will remain for the rest of our own lives is not a situation we can just push aside. As temporary as it is for Christians, the separation caused by death is the second greatest separation we can experience. (The first is when God isn't in us or the loved one, making the separation eternal.) Consider †his: death is not a separation we were intended to endure. Such separation came about because of sin. Sin causes even greater grief, in more ways than one.

So don't put shame on those who grieve. Put the shame on those who reject grief and those who grieve.